23.11.09

december

last paper is tomorrow, and im still procrastinating on studying...even
when i am so stressed that its a double cred module, sigh!

so december, will that bright star turn into a meteorite, or remain as so?
only time will tell, and im looking forward to it...

20.11.09

birth chart

This is a hugeeeeeeee chunk of text. read only if you're truly, truly bored..and if you are actually gonna be bothered to try to understand this curiously weird individual :P

Eugene's Birth Chart

Source: http://astro.cafeastrology.com/

bunch of crap about me :D

Source: http://www.adestiny.com/bazi_report/sample/

Personality and Character

You develop a sense of justice and care deeply about doing good deeds. You
always feel superior which makes you a confident and egoistic person. With
a tendency to procrastinate, you change your mind frequently or fail to
sort out your preference altogether. However, once you have made up your
mind, you will set out to complete whatever you have decided to do. As an
ambitious person you are dauntless in searching for fame and fortune.

You are a friendly, helpful, honest, modest, as well as a hardworking
person. You are also a calm, gentle and down-to earth person but on the
negative note you are suspicious and can be quite narrow-minded at times.
Always the person-behind-the-scene is the best description when coming to
doing things. [i'm not narrow minded!]

Romance and Compatibilities

Emotionally a well-balanced person, with your sweet nature and sentiments
you can make an excellent lover or partner. A dashing person, people can
find you to be romantic though sometimes you can be rash and
argumentative. People will advice your partner or lover to have you as
his/her mate. To keep up or maintain the excellent relationship it is best
that your partner or mate stay out of your path and avoid interfering with
you. Gemini, Leo, Sagittarius or Aquarius born in Horse/Dog years are your
best choice.

You are the strong and silent type where romance is concerned and prefer
to being chased than to chase. Usually, you depend on a friend to arrange
a date, especially the first date, as you are uptight about making the
first move or are scared of rejection. You can make a wonderful spouse and
can take good care of your loved ones.

Profession

Being wiry and resilient, you can do any job without complaining even if
it dirties your hand. With a natural grace, you can use your charm for
personal improvement. You are a born leader and would not like to follow
or be led by others. Always wanting to be a boss, you are impartial,
congenial and fair. You can often take unpopular stands and this will
bring loyalty and respect from your staff or associates. Some career
choices suitable for you are designer, playwright or head of government
department.

A solid and dependable person you are interested in seeking
self-improvement. You are a capable person and if given a job you can do
it well especially those involving technical fields and manufacturing
industry. You can excel in manufacturing industries like glass, ceramic,
quarry, brick, farming, transportation and cattle ranching.

Source: http://www.astrology-numerology.com/num-lifepath.html

9 (9, 18/9, 27/9, 36/9)

The Life Path 9 suggests that you entered this plane with an abundance of
dramatic feelings coupled with a strong sense of compassion and
generosity. The key to the nature of a Life Path number 9 person is found
in their humanitarian attitude. Even the very average of those with life
path 9 possess extremely compassionate tendencies.

Usually this number produces an individual that is very trustworthy and
honorable, and one unlikely to harbor any sort of prejudice. Obviously,
this is a rather tall order, but you are, in fact, a person that feels
very deeply for individuals less fortunate than yourself, and if you are
in a position to help, you certainly will. The 9, being the highest of the
single digit numbers, holds an elevated position in terms of
responsibilities to mankind.

Material gains are not overly important, although the quality of some life
path 9 people is such that they are materially rewarded in very
significant ways. In this, however, the 9 Life Path is not apt to get rich
since they are very generous, sometimes to a fault, and usually have an
easy come, easy go attitude about money. The rare 9 life path has a
totally selfless attitude, giving up of material possessions for the
common good.

The 9 Life Path indicates you have a commanding presence. You have the
ability to make friends very easily, as people are attracted to your
magnetic, open personality. The term "hail-fellow" may have been coined to
describe a 9 Life Path, as you may indeed be one of those who is generally
upbeat and heartily friendly and congenial. You meet people easily and are
quickly befriended because of your openness and amiable demeanor. Your
genial ways often put you in the lead in whatever field of endeavor you
pursue.

Relationships can be difficult for you because it is hard to strike a
balance that will work effectively. If your partner is one sharing your
giving attitudes, the relationship will be happy and lasting. On the other
hand, if you choose a partner whose focus is on material issues, problems
will arise quickly.

You tend to be quite sensitive, as you see the world with much feeling.
The number 9's very deep understanding of life is sometimes manifested in
the artistic and literary fields. If drama and acting is not your forte,
it will surely be an area of great interest and potential. Likewise, you
may be able to express your deep emotional feelings through painting,
writing, music, or other art forms.

The purpose of life for those with a 9 life path is often of a
philosophical nature. Judges, spiritual leaders, healers and educators
frequently have much 9 energy. The number is less inclined to the
competitive business environment and may find this a struggle.

As do all the life path numbers, the 9 has its negative side. Because of
the demanding nature of the truly positive 9, many tend to fail in this
category. It is not uncommon for persons with the 9 life path to fight the
realities and challenges of purpose imposed here because selflessness is
not an easy trait. You may have difficulty believing that giving and a
lack of personal ambition can be satisfying. It must be realized and
accepted that little long-term satisfaction and happiness is to be gained
by rejecting the natural humanitarian inclinations of this path.

18.11.09

the sky

imagine that..your life is, a night sky..

as per usual...there will be nights that its cloudy and you see nothing.
but more so than that..there will always be the stars there waiting to see
you once again, day after day, no matter how cloudy or how much it rained.
these stars can be...your guiding posts...they may also be there, just for
you, for the sake of being there because they're your star.

and ever so often...you might notice a small streak of light that enters
the sky. a meteor. and just as fast as it entered, it leaves. and that
small fraction of a moment, that it's there in the sky...it is an exciting
thing. and when its gone, you long to find another meteor. but its hard
isnt it? so you keep yourself busy with the great stars you have night
after night.

its like..1.26 am, and i should be sleeping. after studying, and having a
nerve wracking exam(which i think, i might fail T__T)..i'm really really
tired. but i caught news of the leonid meteor shower and i thought i'd
stay up to try and catch it, just cos. and while i was lying on the table
outside(dont ask me why i used the table lol)...i thought of this
metaphorical way to describe your life.

i hope the dreamy nature of the metaphor catches on to you, whoever it is
that's reading, and know that...come rain or clear skies, your stars
(friends and family) will always be there for you. and may you find that
shimmering meteor, which we humans dub love, that shall brighten your
life..no matter what brief moment it was there. should you be lucky
enough, that meteor may be a meteorite, which after giving you a beautiful
light, shall grace your earth with its presence through entirety.

finality can be so dreamy, and yet it can be scary. its just proof in my
belief of the duality of things. and i shall go back to trying to catch a
glimpse of the meteor showers again, while waiting for my next meteor to
shoot through my life.

13.11.09

damn

re-reading the past few posts...i see i'm conflicted, inside.

i better straighten myself out. exams are next week. and this term is no
pushover like the last

existence

love, ethics, right and wrong, chaos and harmony.

concepts of the human mind, created by us, suffered by us, enforced by... us?

sometimes, i'm lead to thinking and questioning myself. why am i...upholding this belief of myself? why do i persistently hang on so tightly to my principles? i see people around the world who don't do what i do and they're pretty much fine.

i am highly immature.

yet there are people who say i am so mature in thinking, and can be wise at certain things/times. many times ive felt like i should just embrace the remaining shreds of youth and go balls-out(not literally, tho it would be fairly amusing to say the least) in life.

forget about looking for that elusive thing called "exclusivity" and just go for fun.

and wake up in the morning, knowing i never really had anything to begin with.

forget about my morals and principles. karma says what goes around comes around, so i should just start delivering rather than receiving and waiting.

and struggle with myself, knowing i am putting others in pain just to give myself pleasure.

forget about doing what i should do, i should just do what i want.

and wake up each day, knowing its another day i had just only granted myself yet another day of frivolous fun that serves me no other purpose.

i feel...like i'm becoming too old in my head. yet i tell others age is just a number, no need to get worried about it. easy for me to say...i balance so many other things in my head that it leads me to think that the reason i forget things is because theres just so much i can fit in there. on a side note, how i wish if memory loss could be easily evoked. then, i wouldnt ...

yet to some extent, i feel young. vivacious. thirsty and curious to see what life has to offer around the corner. eager to get to know, to learn. a system of duality in my own head?

loneliness. was man made for company, or for solitude? do we...crave for company just because we like company? or because...we just don't like ourselves enough to spend time in one-ness? is one truly able to...find the person that is made for them? or is there even such a person? what about..compatibility? in this day and age...you can seem to choose how you want to be, in all aspects. what if the one for you, finds that you are not the one for them? such a possibility exists, no? 

welcome to the table, ladies and gentleman. your banker and dealer for the moment, Fate. you shall be dealt a hand, you shall play the hand, and you shall win the prize, or pay the price. if at anytime you should want out of the game, you may cash out your chips at the end of the Life. have a pleasant day.

12.11.09

more and more, i wish what i had said in my previous post could be true.

more so on the one that records your brain...because i sometimes think
about so many things, or some things that are so complicated to think
about...that i find trouble putting it into words to be said at a later
point.

why do i have to be such a thinker, when i have nobody to share my
thoughts with? sigh

11.11.09

spy cam

wonder what would life be like if it were possible to attach a camera to
someone's eye?

or even better, a device that records your thoughts into data you can
re-view on your computer. how cool...

--
Using Opera's revolutionary e-mail client: http://www.opera.com/mail/

9.11.09

the mask(s)

question to all, how many of my faces have you seen?

somehow, i think i am using multiple personalities to help me get by the days. there was once days that i did not feel the need for me to have walls. so why do i feel the need now? i have friends who like to know im okay. yet why do i continue to keep up this facade that im so strong and dont want to be helped?

why am i such a stubborn ass that i refuse to ask for help till when i nearly drown?

8.11.09

predated post

im pretty thankful for the fact that the mind thinks faster than bodies can act/react, or is physically possible

cos im pretty sure i would do stupid things like run all the way to a foreign country to say hi to a friend cos i suddenly thought of them. or send someone to the skies for blocking my way when i walk(would they still be blocking my way if i was capable of walking at super speed or flyin?). or i dunno what else...kinda have many things on my mind recently.

one would think that there should be some limit to how many things a brain can juggle simultaneously, but then i'd liken my brain to Hyper Threading Technology™ (yes i looked it up on the Character Map to prevent Intel from bringing me to court. i are afraid of laws [insert sad face])...hopping from one idea/thought/issue to another constantly

also one would imagine there would be a strain on sanity/mental health from having so many things to do/consider at the same time. then again, ive managed to set an amazingly busy pace of life, that i once never imagined i would be capable of living. is that a sign of how much ive changed?

ive known...i change constantly. ferreting out things i dont like about myself. getting myself to change it. some friends are quite amazed that im capable of getting myself to change things within a short frame of time. and i think its good and all that im capable of it...but, am i ever going to stop? to some extent, i believe in "there's always room for improvement". then i think back of what ive said about how humanity has progressed, and is now progressing at an exponential speed due to technology's help. humanity is not about to stop progressing, and is taking nature's health along with it for a wild crazy ride that may not have a nice corner for nature to recover from nausea. likewise, am i going to take changing myself so seriously to the point that i alter into this person that's never really himself at any one point?

am i going to MAKE a schizophrenic personality out of myself?


reading this post would make it clear to most of you why a lot of people wouldnt be able to keep up with me should i be having a conversation where filters between head and mouth is not available. hence, please do keep me away from having too much liquor cos it seems to have that effect on me. or a triple shot of espresso. or quad, or quin, which ever would pique my curiosity.

now thats something i could never change...my god damned curiosity. a number of friends have already been (un)fortunate to be in my company when i go along with an idea that comes out of curiosity (added with a nice twist of stupid optimism and a just-nice touch of "that sounded like a good idea..at that moment"-moment). and since i can never be without myself, i too have been pulled into that nice bit of (mis)fortune.

and after typing so much, i suddenly...lost track of anything else i wanted to say. well, not so much lost track as cant decide what i want to say now.

despite all the changes, some things never change. like how i hate my father. and myself. and im suddenly...rather depressed. i cant even keep a mood for long, heh. so much for optimism...

29.10.09

very random post

hear the sounds
and wonder, where do we fit in?
ponder, what are we made for?
pity the one who knows not
you who knows you know not knows more

bridging worlds once unfathomable
i wonder to what extent will we go
respecting not the way nature is meant to be
the deplorable state of the earth shall
haunt us to no end
dismayed at us
annoyed at what we do
yet i can do nothing

Everybody could use an olive branch.

Inspiration for change, no?

25.10.09

spooked

500 days of summer was scary.

scary in the lines that i heard, the situations, the male lead's feelings.
i almost felt like yelling, "man, i feel you".

well ill be damned but im still sleepy after knocking out for 12 hours

21.10.09

slopes

i wonder, if its an uphill slope im on now..or has it suddenly turned into
a downhill slope...again?

19.10.09

what is happiness without satisfaction?

i can feel happiness...

but i am in no way satisfied with my life, nor the way its going.

...sigh.

15.10.09

im in a rotten mood.