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today,was a bit different...
first time in a while since i got home after midnight,from the MRT station. it's not often that i catch the last train home.
also not often that i'm walking without my mp3 player on. just got it back from andy after borrowing it to him for a day cos he wanted to take songs from me..kinda forgot to mention the fact that it dies extra fast when being run on a comp..oh well =/ next week then.
night class sucked. we aren't really learning anything cos the teacher's guiding us step by step. i mean it's cool and all that he's making sure we know what we're supposed to do. but if we never really think for ourselves,and write the programs and fail in the process..we wouldn't really be learning, would we?
but yeah i'm not gonna rant on that any longer...
after night class, andy,laode,ben,huang,kai lin and me headed to amk S11 for drinks. crapped about and stuff and eventually headed off...
walking home, it was quiet,but not unnaturally so. it was like this, calmness...
i took a really long and slow walk back home. while walking..i was thinking,when was the last time i dropped whatever i was doing at the moment,and just kicked back and relaxed? it's been quite a few years...
walking along a small lane,hearing a multitude of crickets...i felt calm. haven't felt that in a bit,bored yes,and some other stuff. but not calm. it's as if i don't care what time it is. don't care that the whole neighbourhood's probably asleep and i'm this half-assed teen coming home past midnight,strolling as if i owned the street or something.
i realised...i have this picture, of my ultimate kick back relax and chill moment. think it'd be hard to be in this position but i think i'd be real nice.
imagine,sitting by the edge of a lake,quiet,calm..totally away from civilisation. throw in a light drizzle, or maybe just after a heavy pour. there's always that smell and feeling i'd get after rain happens outdoors. on a laid back wooden chair(confortable of course..who'd wanna get blisters and a numb arse while relaxing right?) just sitting there..looking around,soaking in the nature. after the rain u'd probably be able to hear frogs and toads calling out,crickets merrily singing different tunes. all of these would inter-twine and create a melodious song. maybe a small table by my side with a cup of tea there. blissful quietness.
definitely hard to find a place to do that now. i'd guess the nearest would be in pahang..in the malaysian forest reserve. even more so..i dunno if i can survive out there alone.going on a camping trip actually kinda sounds fun to me. it's just the directions and stuff i gotta figure out.
but then the question is,who am i gonna be asking along?
going out with friends,staying at chalets with friends..it'd be different that camping out..or so i think. in civilisation, everybody's confined, shut in. i have this thinking that says that in nature,a person would be more free and open. we'd be talking,joking around, living in close constraints for a few days. moonlit nights, star filled skies. a week there would be great. the people i'd ask, are probably people i can feel comfortable around..in absolute quietness. there are very few people in my life that i can hang out with,without saying a total word,and i'd feel fine..not jittery,not weird. it's a lil as if we were both alone without the other there. friends like that are hard to find. don't have any now i think. don't even have the place to try and find out who i'd be that comfortable with.
some people hate being alone. i'm so used to loneliness that sometimes it feels weird for me to be in a big group. guess i'm changing little by little now.there's nobody out there...i believe..that can understand me fully. hell i'm still finding out stuff bout myself now.what anybody knows about me is what i let them know.
whether or not i'll open that closet wide instead of letting in peeks from time to time,that's a question even i can't answer now....
it's just a thought anyways...nothing more,nothing less.....
sigh, till the day that i actually do what i dream and think of.....
out
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