J'enfant

3.8.09

once upon a time...

there was a girl, who, by her definition..has lived alone for the past
several years with little to no contact with her parents and family.
she had a pretty normal life..loved music and talking to her friends.
despite living in the same city as her family, she still had not much
contact with them yet she longed to hear more. especially from her dad and
mom who she had almost never talked to for the last few years after they
had picked up and left.

this girl spent her time with no idle..sewing, baking, cooking and filling
the void with her close friends. she also had friends from other
countries, and since it was the summer season which she didnt really much
like, had made plans to visit a friend in another country for the
holidays. but alas, she met with an accident, and broke her foot.
with sadness she recounts how she would not be able to walk for 2 months,
or even go about her normal daily life due to it. additionally, she was
very very sad that her parents didnt even visit her this entire time.

days past..weeks. and one day, her mom shows up at her apartment.

her father was in the hospital, dying. and thats where he has been
for the last few years.

and so she rushed to the hospital, and saw what is left of her
father..weakened by several diseases, including diabetes and cancer. she
spent her hours accompanying him...and feeding him his food. her mom told
her happily how he'd never managed to finish his meals before, but when
she fed him he ate every single morsel. so once he finished his meal, she
got up with her crutches and left the room to toss the box that contained
the food.

and she returns to find he had left already. no more extra time to talk,
to make up for those years lost. no time even for a goodbye.

and why would i be retelling this story? quite simply..its to convey a
point that something that is not good, may be good luck in actual fact
considering the whole circumstance. had she not had that accident and
broke her foot, she would be thousands of miles away enjoying herself and
her mom would never be able to contact her in time. she wouldnt have had
the chance to meet her father and feed him his last meal.

when all is said and done, family bonds somehow do remain strongest
irregardless of how we felt we have been treated. regret is truly a
powerful emotion capable of not only making a person perform, but also
capable of rendering them helpless. it spurs you, it holds you back, it
motivates you, it burdens you. i dont like having regrets. but sometimes
it seems regret is a trait only a humane person would have, and it can
serve as a reminder of how one's decisions had affected not only
themselves and the people around them, but even inadvertent passer by's.

and till now even as the funeral is drawing to a close, the girl carries
this regret with her. of how she thought of him. of things she never got
the chance to do. of how things should have been. of how she wished she
could have been there for her beloved late father.

posted by the child on 2:19 PM
0 thought out loud