J'enfant

27.1.10

ramble ramble..

iunno...i usually try to avoid blogging around this time cos coherence and
direction isnt a very strong point when my brain isnt 100% awake. then
again, its also when my brain can be extremely honest in thinking about
the things i try not to think about. THEN AGAIN...its also when i get
rather emotionally turbulent.

or it could just be the lack of sleep talking. never really could tell
which it was. my right eyelid has been twitching on and off the entire
day...and thats a serious signal i know that my body is running low on
energy. yet i cant fall asleep, how odd.

as of late i am still hearing more and more bad news from friends, and i
really do hate hearing about failing relationships...even more so, failed
marriages. recently, just found out that a friend i know from an online
game i used to play is going through separation/divorce. the victim this
time, the young 2 year old boy from their marriage...and to a certain
extent, my buddy as well. wife just upped and left after going clubbing
for a few nights. how wonderful. all this after she spoke to him about
trust and what not...while it reminds me of my past, it also reminds me
that my life just isnt as sucky as anybody's life really could be.

whenever i wanna feel down, i just think how i could be worse off. and it
somehow consoles me, but yet it hurts cos i know a friend out there is
hurting and i cant do a thing about it. and that i didnt even talk to him
recently enough to find out, only to find out from his brother nearly a
month after it had happened. i hope he's coping well. the bastard that
caused this broken marriage seriously deserves a slow painful death, one
befitting anybody who has any intentions that are the same.

ive noticed that i changed. i used to be a realist. face reality...as
brutal as it is, cos you cant run. now, im an optimist. i keep seeing the
bright side of things no matter how i try. its interesting. i think its
true that to some extent, life isnt gonna throw something at you that you
cant handle. picking up the pieces and piecing things back together may
take an awful long time (or in my case, an ongoing process) but just like
anything in life...the journey is more important than the destination.

journeys rock, when you have people pushing you on, pulling you
forward...giving you a pat on the back for a job well done, directions
when you took a wrong turn. spontaneity was never my true strong point,
but im working hard at it. if i could say i once caged myself in, i am now
taking big steps out to do more things. know more. live more.

i know theres a lot more to my life to come, but i kinda wonder how many
people are gonna be in for the whole ride. i also wonder who im gonna meet
on the way. just as important, how many separated paths will be coming
back to join mine?

the future holds many things for us. but i never can doubt how the hope we
carry seems to make expectations seem like nothing. i think humans truly
cannot be anything without hope...thats just what we're filled with. i
hope...