J'enfant

8.5.10

the heart

the heart beats...

hear it, feel it..rhythmically.

each beat is another moment of your life coursing through your veins. a
moment that may be pain, or joy. an unstoppable moment. unavoidable..

and each beat reminds you...you're still alive. the pain teaches you what
you value. the joy teaches you what you want.


and as much as you want to push the moment away, it will still come. and
the fear associated, is with not knowing what the moment brings or how you
will have to deal with it.

question is. am i going to deal with it? or am i...just going to build
that nice, high, seemingly impenetrable wall and lock my self inside
again? just when i thought i'd opened it..i shut it. and as much as i like
to think that ive been having it open...that would just be a lie to
myself. its been locked up very tightly. not as tightly as it was,
granted...but tight enough that not enough people get in to see me.


brace yourself, my dear old weathered heart. for as i know of the
bitterness of knowledge...there are terms for me to accept. and i will
have to accept them. preferably sooner than later, so that the supposed
healing of months ago might start. oh bitter truth i loathe you, and crave
you.
oh how am i to live out of the blues when the blues are so appealing

posted by the child on 1:07 AM
0 thought out loud

5.5.10

Xiao Le says...

"Adults are truly the most weirdest creatures on this whole wide world"


and i dont blame him. it seems the capability to simplify and make things
understandable gets more and more lost as we get older.
it seems only kids are able to make up after having hurt each other.
adults on the other hand...heh.


pride will be all our downfalls.

posted by the child on 11:24 AM
1 thought out loud

4.5.10

circumstance is only a definition, not a limitation.

posted by the child on 4:23 PM
0 thought out loud

3.5.10

knowledge is bitter

understanding is painful

remembering is torturous

posted by the child on 2:43 AM
0 thought out loud

1.5.10

only human

sometimes, all we want is to feel human

that is to say, to be allowed to feel that our presence is felt.
to feel like we are a difference, that we made a difference
to feel like we...exist.

humans exist.


but i do not want to exist. i want to live. what does that make me? that
makes me a person, i hope.

and at the end of the day, as we close our eyes, we think then, was the
day good or bad? but if it were bad, were there any lessons to be learnt?

and when you finally close your eyes for the last time, that is when you
think, did i make someone's life good or bad?


cos thats what you take with you when you leave.

posted by the child on 10:52 PM
0 thought out loud