J'enfant

8.5.10

the heart

hear it, feel it..rhythmically.

each beat is another moment of your life coursing through your veins. a
moment that may be pain, or joy. an unstoppable moment. unavoidable..

and each beat reminds you...you're still alive. the pain teaches you what
you value. the joy teaches you what you want.

and as much as you want to push the moment away, it will still come. and
the fear associated, is with not knowing what the moment brings or how you
will have to deal with it.

question is. am i going to deal with it? or am i...just going to build
that nice, high, seemingly impenetrable wall and lock my self inside
again? just when i thought i'd opened it..i shut it. and as much as i like
to think that ive been having it open...that would just be a lie to
myself. its been locked up very tightly. not as tightly as it was,
granted...but tight enough that not enough people get in to see me.

brace yourself, my dear old weathered heart. for as i know of the
bitterness of knowledge...there are terms for me to accept. and i will
have to accept them. preferably sooner than later, so that the supposed
healing of months ago might start. oh bitter truth i loathe you, and crave
you.
oh how am i to live out of the blues when the blues are so appealing