J'enfant

21.8.11

realisation

it set in. im moving out, to live with her in a house with others i know
nothing of. except that apparently everybody in there is malaysian(i think
we are overcrowding this poor island).

moments of cold aloneness drew out the almost dead writer in me. and i
feel the want to write again. for what, i dunno.

i do know that there's doubt in me. which i realised it seem to be more of
doubt in myself than anything. while i remain so positive about so many
things, why am i so pessimistic about something that i used to be so
optimistic about?

had something happened to me along the years that has changed what i used
to think, what i am saying? i maintain an optimistic opinion about it in
general yet i am pessimistic when looking at myself.

i frankly wish i knew. the irony is that the more things i know and learn
and do, the less sure i am of anything about myself. and im supposed to
head into life in charge. how?

this post helped in no way to affirm myself of anything, except in the
fact that i am unsure.

4.8.11

despite being all gungho about being able to move at a drop of a hat, i
think i may not be all that strong inside after all